15 Mar Setting Boundaries for Yourself
I once was focused on being all things to all people. I was a ‘YES’ person to everyone. Boundaries? Nope I had none.
Them: Can you have that report ready by tomorrow? Me: Yes of course.
Them: Will you manage the P&F event at School? Me: Sure, no problem.
Them: Can you speak at that event on my behalf? Me: Absolutely.
Them: Can you ‘event manage’ our wedding? Me: I’d love to.
Them: Can you make dinner Wednesday night? Me: I’ll be there.
Yes, yes, yes…yes! What I knew I should be saying was no!
Problem is with no boundaries and no ability to say ‘no’ for fear of disappointing or letting someone down, I was not only compromising myself and becoming a hot, wired, crazy mess, I was also compromising on what was most important to me…my family.
It was only after my usually very patient husband hammered home to me one night “Why is it that everyone else gets the best of you and me and the kids miss out?” These words were like an arrow through my heart. He wasn’t being overly dramatic. It was true. To everyone else on the outside world I was calm, helpful, capable and patient so why were those I loved the most getting the leftovers? Because I was buggered, exhausted, spent and they would love me anyway. Crazy! Ridiculous! I was determined to sort it.
What I have learned is that having boundaries is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves towards achieving health, wellness and ultimately happiness. With the fast pace, busy, demanding life we all lead between work, families, the house, friends, exercise, contributing to society, who has time for boundaries? I am here to tell you that if you establish boundaries you will gain a heap more time.
Let’s get started;
- What boundaries do you need to set? Think about times when you have felt used, compromised or resentful. It may be a good sign of where your boundaries have been crossed.
- Communicate your boundaries. Once you have identified your boundaries, discuss and communicate them to the people they impact. By doing this people can understand what you are doing and why you are doing it and have clear expectations of what you will and won’t do.
- Managing your boundaries. This is the tricky part. You can do it. Enforce them. Practice makes perfect.
I promise you from very personal experience that this can be life changing. I can guarantee you will gain more time, achieve better balance and feel like you are more aligned with your true self. It took a bold and deliberate effort on my part to create this space for myself but in doing so I have reclaimed some personal power. I know I have choice about how to live my life; and I no longer make commitments out of guilt and obligation.
If you are interested in some simple strategies and routines to gain more time, experience less overwhelm and regain control, don’t hesitate to contact me. I would love to work together towards you achieving a more fulfilling life.