Why Parenting Teens Feels so Hard

Parenting a teenager is one of the most challenging roles you’ll ever do. The emotional highs and lows, the push for independence, the moments of connection followed by complete shutdown…it’s exhausting, confusing, and sometimes heartbreaking. Understanding what’s happening inside our teenager’s brain can really help.
Teenagers aren’t just being difficult for the sake of it.
Teenagers’ brains are still developing well into their mid-twenties, particularly the prefrontal cortex, which is the part responsible for reasoning, impulse control, and emotional regulation. This means their emotions take charge before their reasoning brain fully catches up, and they act on impulse, react instinctively, and often struggle to regulate big feelings. Their developing brain prioritises immediate responses over careful reflection, which is why they may lash out, shut down, or make decisions that seem irrational to us.
This understanding doesn’t always make it easier in the heat of the moment, but it does give us a new lens through which to see their behaviour. When we shift from frustration to curiosity, from reacting to supporting, we create the kind of connection that keeps the lines of communication open, which is something our teenagers need now more than ever.
Meeting Your Teen Where They Are At.
So how do we parent with more understanding and less power struggle? Here are some small but effective ways we can shift our approach and in turn, strengthen connection:
- Be the calm in their storm – When emotions run high, try not to match their energy. Take a deep breath, pause, and respond with curiosity rather than reactivity.
- Validate their feelings – Even if something seems small to you, it might feel monumental to them. A simple “I am hearing that’s really tough for you” can help them feel heard.
- Pick your battles – Not every issue needs to be a confrontation. Prioritise connection when you can.
- Encourage independence, but stay available – Teens push for independence, but deep down, they want to know we are still around. Let them know you’re always there without forcing a conversation.
- Take care of yourself—Parenting a teenager is emotionally demanding and can also be draining. Prioritise your own wellbeing so that you can show up for those you really care about. This might look like a walk outside, a coffee with a friend, or simply a moment to breathe before responding.
The Small Glimmers of Hope.
In the messiness of adolescence, there are moments of connection that remind us that our kids still need us, love us, and want to belong. It might be a fleeting smile, a random text, or a late-night chat when their guard is finally down. These small glimmers of hope are worth noticing and holding onto.
Parenting through this stage isn’t about getting it perfect; it’s about showing up with warmth, presence, and a willingness to understand. If you’re finding this season overwhelming, you’re not alone. Parenting is usually really hard when you’re doing a good job of it. It means you’re trying, you’re engaged, you care deeply, and you’re working hard to guide your teen through one of the most challenging stages of life.
If you’re feeling stuck or want to explore ways to support your teen (and yourself) better, I’d love to help. Don’t hesitate to reach out.
In the meantime, take care.
Megan x