Tag: wellnesscoach

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Are you an ‘All or Nothing’ person?

Are you an 'All or Nothing' Person?

The problem with ‘All or Nothing’ thinking is that either you’re all – or you’re nothing. There is no in-between. This approach to life can really stifle our happiness and fulfilment and tends to explode into self -criticism and feelings of hopelessness.

Letting go of extremes can really improve your health and wellness.

I get it. It can be challenging to always eat well, diligently exercise, rest enough…add this to the every-day responsibilities of working, managing a home, giving to relationships, contributing to society and being a decent human…it can be overwhelming and exhausting.

‘All or Nothing’ people swing between both ends of the extremes:

  • They do restrictive diets to punish themselves after indulging on a holiday.
  • They swear off all alcohol for ‘Feb Fast’ or ‘Ocsober’ only to participate in huge drinking sessions for the remainder of the year.
  • After having a row of chocolate they think, “Oh well I’ve blown it”, and so decide to eat the entire block.
  • They sign up for 30 days of yoga in a row to make up for 3 months of complete inactivity.
  • They do a green juice cleanse for a week after a weekend of indulgence and binging.

If we embraced moderation a little more in our lives we wouldn’t feel the need to turn to extreme weight loss challenges, diets and ‘detoxes’ to make up for our lifestyle.

So you miss a workout one morning because you have to be at work early or you have a row of chocolate after dinner. The thing is, missing a workout or having a piece of cake or chocolate doesn’t mean you’ve blown your whole regime. Being affected by life’s little bumps doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re human.

So many clients I see are stuck in this ‘All or Nothing’ cycle. This idea that if something is not done perfectly then the pursuit is useless.

Maybe you or someone you know is like this…Before they (re)start their new diet the pantry gets cleaned out, they eat a few last-hurrah meals, drink a few last–hurrah wines. A new exercise regime may start with the same sort of enthusiasm, new active-wear and renewed promises to self of daily workouts. But if you are pressuring yourself to be perfect, it won’t be long until you decide you’re weak or that your life/family/job/whatever is conspiring to keep you out of shape. And then, you give up. You quit!

Whilst these intentions are great and we need to be scheduling time for intentional exercise and paying attention to the quality and quantity of food we eat, this ‘All or Nothing’ approach sets the bar so high that it can never be reached and in doing so, we set ourselves up to fail. Cue feelings of guilt, shame, inadequacy, restriction and feelings of hopelessness!

We need to be a little bit flexible, especially at the beginning of a lifestyle change. Yes, it’s important to make a plan and do your best to stick with it. But if you do stumble, dust yourself off. Life happens…carry on. A slip up does not need to be the undoing of our health. It is just a tiny part of the big picture.

It really is about time we start being a little kinder to ourselves for the sake of our health. Time we embraced a little more moderation instead of guiltily swinging between ‘All or Nothing’ extremes. I provide guidance towards health and lifestyle solutions for busy women. If you would like some support towards making some tweaks toward a sustainable and balanced wellness plan then contact me. I would love to help you find what feels right for you.

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Hyperstriving. It’s a Thing!

Hyperstriving. It's a thing!

I feel compelled to share…this concept of hyperstriving. I first met Talya Rabinovitz, a Psychologist and founder of ‘The Healthy Mind Project’ at a Wellness event late last year. Talya talked about this thing called ‘hyperstriving’ and my ears pricked up and there I was nodding along to everything she was saying… I am without doubt a recovering hyperstriver.

Talya explained that ‘hyperstriving’ (which she notes is not a clinical term or concept and could be called something else by other clinicians) is a relentless desire to achieve. It is when people align their sense of identity with achievement; that their value in this world is connected to what they do and how others see them. This concept of feeling good enough when they achieve. These people have very high expectations of themselves, they push and push and push themselves to achieve and yet when they do achieve, that feeling of elation never arrives, more this feeling and compulsion to keep striving, to keep hustling and to keep going. This thinking that maybe when I achieve this next big thing…then I’ll feel fulfilled. Except that feeling of being good enough and content enough and happy enough never arrives. Do, do, do. More, more, more!

See there is no happiness or contentment in hyperstriving. There is a real problem when our sense of worth is tied up in what we do and how others see us.

Whilst there is no valid and reliable checklist to diagnose a hyperstriver; I can say with a fair amount of certainty that so many of the women I know and the clients I see are in fact themselves ‘hyperstrivers.’ These women are smart, strong, driven, capable and switched on. These same women are wearing more hats, juggling more projects, working longer hours and taking on more responsibility than ever before. Meanwhile many of us continue to also fulfil traditional roles as home makers, nurturers, carers and partners. Add all of this to an endless list of ‘stuff’ we should be doing like exercising, eating well, having quality time with friends and family, improving ourselves and contributing to our community…There is no wonder we are overwhelmed and exhausted!

Could you be a hyperstriver? Do any of the following sound like you?

  • Lost your passion and purpose.
  • Burning out.
  • Relationships are suffering.
  • Always rushing.
  • Lack of satisfaction despite all the hard work.
  • Low energy.
  • Career flourishing, health diminishing.
  • Poor food habits.
  • Competing priorities.
  • Snappy and frustrated.
  • Rarely feel like you are on top of things.
  • Strung out and exhausted.
  • Daily battle to keep up.
  • Using coffee to warm up and alcohol to cool down.
  • No time to exercise.
  • Endless ‘To Do’ lists.
  • Values are no longer aligned with the life you’re living.
  • Always feeling like there is more to do.
  • Know you need to make changes but don’t know where to start.

I get you. I’ve been there. I also know with the benefit of hindsight that there is no joy or authentic, meaningful success to be found in always striving towards achieving the next big thing. Regardless of what we do or what we have, we are all precious and important. We are enough. There is real beauty, joy and happiness to be found in the ‘being’ and just letting go.

I help busy women like you achieve happier, healthier and more balanced lifestyles. With guidance, I will help you simplify and structure your ‘busy life’. We will work together to create a life that reflects what is really important to you. A life that aligns with what matters most to you. Together we will dig yourself out of the clutter. With my support, I will help you create healthy behaviours in the realms of nutrition, exercise, lifestyle, organisation and stress management. You will emerge feeling energised, inspired and empowered. You will have more time, have greater balance and feel like you are more aligned with your true self. For more information, contact me here.

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Find your ‘Dream Team’ for Better Health.

All of us need a good support network and our lives are made all the better by having people to help us out when we need it. When we decide and are committed to change it is vital to have the right people around us to encourage, support and celebrate our success. This is what I like to call a ‘Dream Team’ – they are people who genuinely care and want the best for us. These people want to see us achieve our goals and fulfil our potential.

Whilst some people lift, nurture and encourage us, others can have the opposite effect. They are the people who might shoot down our idea, lead us astray, appear uninterested or are just plain unsupportive. They are the people that want you to keep drinking with them, putting on weight with them, being stressed along side them… they will sabotage your efforts because it is uncomfortable for them to see you step up. For you to succeed shines a light on their own insecurities.

Choose Carefully.

Our wellbeing is certainly influenced by those around us so it is important for us to surround ourselves with a team of people that cultivate healthy and positive behaviour. If we can keep this in mind we can have greater insights into the quality of our interactions and their energetic effect on us. We need to choose our team carefully – as they will help us strive or wilt.

I encourage all my clients to choose a ‘Dream Team’. In my experience they are crucial in supporting a person achieve positive and lasting change. Our team inspire us to be a better person, can provide us with motivation to achieve our goals, empower us to make changes, hold us accountable and are happy for our success.

Who Makes Up a Dream Team?

Positive people that enrich our lives. They might be:

–          Family members

–          Friends

–          Co-workers

–          Mentor/Coach

These people see the potential in you, even when you are having trouble yourself.

My Team.

I am fortunate to have a large network of family and friends around me. Having said that there are only a few I would consider make up my ‘Dream Team’. My team inspire me, challenge me, love me, support me and absolutely want the best for me. They are people I can call on to talk through a problem, to gain perspective, get balance or reassurance. They are my own little cheer squad and I am immensely grateful for them in my life. On the flipside there are those that can leave me feeling flat and frustrated after interactions. They are the takers, they lack personal awareness and are egocentric. I have learned over time to manage my interactions with them.

How to Engage Your Team.

Tell people they are part of your team, allow yourself to be vulnerable, share your dreams, goals and desires. In many cases it might be helpful to tell your team what support you need. Don’t expect them to necessarily know unless you are specific. Our journey to wellness can be made so much better by having people to be strong when we are weak and offer perspective when we feel lost.

I would challenge you to have the courage to ask for support, to acknowledge that we are stronger when we to lean in. Surround yourself with people who are going to cultivate this new, healthy, positive change you want.

Don’t hesitate to contact me if you need some help with gaining the right support to become your own best version of self. I would love to be part of your team. http://www.chasingsunrise.com.au/contact/

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