#change Archives - Chasing Sunrise

Ever heard the expression “you are your own worst enemy”. Of course you have. In fact I’m sure it rings true for most of us. How many times have we acted against our self-interest then asked ourselves why the hell did we do that? Why did we say that to a loved one? Why did we procrastinate on that project? Why did we eat the block of chocolate? Why have we stopped doing that one thing that makes us feel great? WHY, WHY, WHY? When we fall victim to our critical voice, we often engage in self-limiting and acts of self-sabotage that ultimately hurts us in our daily lives.

Here are just a few examples of self-sabotage.

Repeating unwanted patterns of behaviour;
Procrastinating – being distracted by 101 other things – none of which you actually should be doing right now;
Lacking motivation as a deadline draws near;
Being an impatient, screaming like a banchi parent;
Inability to commit to or hold on to long term relationships;
Saying you want something then doing things that ensure it doesn’t happen;
Eating/drinking/doing things that compromise your health, wellbeing and effectiveness;
Making positive changes in your habits only to slip back into old ways;
Failure to complete what you start;
Finding the perfect job but missing the deadline for submission of the application;
Saving money for a holiday then blowing it all on an indulgent spending spree;
Achieving happiness or success but behaving in ways that jeopardise it/damage it and ultimately lead to you losing it;
Joining a gym but being too busy to go (then feeling hideously guilty about it)

Any of the above sound like you?

I recently fractured my ankle and can’t exercise or drive for the moment so for someone that craves exercise in the outdoors and their independence and freedom this has been ‘difficult’. So having enjoyed my own little pitty party – a combination of tears, irritability and chocolate – I am quite over myself. It is time to dust myself off and pick myself up. Consider the pitty party OVER.

See, ultimately these thoughts, feelings and actions undermine us, especially when we engage in them repeatedly. Our inner saboteur or ‘mean girl’ is activated when strong emotions are surging. A chaos of feelings rise up internally and destructive emotions dominate. These emotions compel us to repeat self-destructive acts, do something that hurts ourselves, or others if we allow ourselves to be controlled by them.

Once you recognise (or are helped to see) ways in which you are self-sabotaging through negative self-talk based on inappropriate beliefs and negative thoughts, you can actively and deliberately monitor these thoughts and, kindly and gently choose to change this inner dialogue to more positive, supportive self-talk. Slowly but surely a healthier, more supportive mindset leads to a joyful sense of freedom and sustainable positive life changes.

You might find the following techniques helpful as part of a deliberate change process;

Expect that there will be Bumps in the Road.

Change isn’t easy. There will always be tough times. Sometimes it can be helpful to brainstorm what might make things hard for you. By then developing a plan for how you might deal with these situations when they arise can often make you more confident in your ability to keep going when the going gets tough.

Don’t View Mistakes as Failures.

Progress rarely comes as a straight line. Sometimes people think one step back means they’ve gone all the way back to square one which can cause them to give up. Recognising that we are human, that we will mess up, stuff up, fall off the horse…and rather than seeing ourselves as a failure we need to harness our energy and focus to create a plan to get us back on track.

Stay Connected to your WHY.

Having a clear vision for your future is motivating and inspiring. A vision is what drives the decisions and actions that bring fulfilment and joy. Once you come up with a vision for your life I believe you need to read it every day. It reminds you of your greater purpose and there is less chance of you being distracted.

Pay Attention to Your Thoughts and Feelings.

When negative feelings come up, stop and bring yourself back into the present moment. I love the following questions posed by author Byron Katie in ‘Loving What Is’. She suggests you ask yourself;

– Is it true?

– Can I absolutely know that it is true?

– How do I react when I think that thought?

– Who would I be without that thought?

Get Outside.

Stop, take a break, stretch, step outside into the sunshine and fresh air. It can change your perspective and help inspire new ideas and solutions that you hadn’t previously been able to see.

Share your Struggle.

Sometimes being connected and allowing yourself to be vulnerable and share your story can lead to being inspired and supported by others.

So my advice for today. Concentrate on what you want, and enjoy what you already have. Live in the moment, not in fear of what could happen in the future. Think about what’s going right and what’s working and be sure to acknowledge and be thankful for it. If you think in this way, you will attract more of what is working.

I am offering complimentary 20 minute ‘Discovery Sessions’ for the month of September. So if you are stuck and spinning in circles and would like to work towards your ‘best life’ and break free of self-sabotage please contact me. http://www.chasingsunrise.com.au/contact/

All of us need a good support network and our lives are made all the better by having people to help us out when we need it. When we decide and are committed to change it is vital to have the right people around us to encourage, support and celebrate our success. This is what I like to call a ‘Dream Team’ – they are people who genuinely care and want the best for us. These people want to see us achieve our goals and fulfil our potential.

Whilst some people lift, nurture and encourage us, others can have the opposite effect. They are the people who might shoot down our idea, lead us astray, appear uninterested or are just plain unsupportive. They are the people that want you to keep drinking with them, putting on weight with them, being stressed along side them… they will sabotage your efforts because it is uncomfortable for them to see you step up. For you to succeed shines a light on their own insecurities.

Choose Carefully.

Our wellbeing is certainly influenced by those around us so it is important for us to surround ourselves with a team of people that cultivate healthy and positive behaviour. If we can keep this in mind we can have greater insights into the quality of our interactions and their energetic effect on us. We need to choose our team carefully – as they will help us strive or wilt.

I encourage all my clients to choose a ‘Dream Team’. In my experience they are crucial in supporting a person achieve positive and lasting change. Our team inspire us to be a better person, can provide us with motivation to achieve our goals, empower us to make changes, hold us accountable and are happy for our success.

Who Makes Up a Dream Team?

Positive people that enrich our lives. They might be:

– Family members

– Friends

– Co-workers

– Mentor/Coach

These people see the potential in you, even when you are having trouble yourself.

My Team.

I am fortunate to have a large network of family and friends around me. Having said that there are only a few I would consider make up my ‘Dream Team’. My team inspire me, challenge me, love me, support me and absolutely want the best for me. They are people I can call on to talk through a problem, to gain perspective, get balance or reassurance. They are my own little cheer squad and I am immensely grateful for them in my life. On the flipside there are those that can leave me feeling flat and frustrated after interactions. They are the takers, they lack personal awareness and are egocentric. I have learned over time to manage my interactions with them.

How to Engage Your Team.

Tell people they are part of your team, allow yourself to be vulnerable, share your dreams, goals and desires. In many cases it might be helpful to tell your team what support you need. Don’t expect them to necessarily know unless you are specific. Our journey to wellness can be made so much better by having people to be strong when we are weak and offer perspective when we feel lost.

I would challenge you to have the courage to ask for support, to acknowledge that we are stronger when we to lean in. Surround yourself with people who are going to cultivate this new, healthy, positive change you want.

Don’t hesitate to contact me if you need some help with gaining the right support to become your own best version of self. I would love to be part of your team. http://www.chasingsunrise.com.au/contact/

Tag: #change

Is Self-Sabotage Hurting Your Health?